My name is Bryce.
And I don’t have an iPad.
I’d like an iPad, but I can’t afford it.
That’s where you come in, Internet. People are always saying you’re so influential. You help people out all the time–just look what you did for Susan Boyle. She’s got a gahzillion dollars now, and she owes it all to you.
I’m not asking for a gahzillion dollars. (Though I wouldn’t turn it down if you offered . . .) No. I’m just asking for an iPad. I’d even settle for the cheap $499 version. I’m nice like that, see? I’m willing to compromise.
All you need to do is make it happen. I’ll be really excited. I’ll even thank you publicly. You’re like the Santa Claus of the 21st Century, so consider this my letter to you, O great and powerful Internet. I have been a very good boy this year, and all I want in return is for you to fork over an iPad.
Is that too much to ask?